the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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