Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
