i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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