he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
