So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
