I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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