i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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