Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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