i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
