Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
