hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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