I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
