I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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