my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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