I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
