Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
