wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
