please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
