Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
