I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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