No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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