This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
