What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
