Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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