I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
