All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
