if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
