He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
