Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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