i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
