I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
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Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
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My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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