I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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