Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
