the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I need to sanitize my soul.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
