I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
