I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
