I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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