I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize