i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize