dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
