just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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