i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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