they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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