As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
