dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
