How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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