She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
