I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
