You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
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I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
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You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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