Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
