my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
