If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We need to rekindle our bromance
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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