he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
