we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
