This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
