I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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