pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
