coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
