He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
